INCOMING

How much Crack can you handle?
Tootlin’ trumpeters at the ready: our podcast, or crackcast if you will, is now up and running. Listen in, and get involved…
Yep – our glorious crackcast is now up and running and available for download free

Click Here >>>>

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That was 2008
We’ve already cast an eye over the worst of 2008>> , but what was the best it had to offer?

 Music: click here>>>>

 Film: click here>>>>>

 

 

 

 

 

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I love Lucy
I love Lucy. We love Lucy. You love Lucy. Or you will do when you check out her new exhibition at the Side Café on Newcastle’s Quayside. Lucy Hammond makes what we like to call ‘drawings’ (or ‘illustrations’ if you want to be like that) of rare quality and if forced at knife-point to come up with one word to describe them (and we have) we’d plump for “charming”. Our advice? Go to the Side Café and have a look at them.

Lucy Hammond, December 8 – January 8, The Side Café, 1-3 The Side, Quayside, Newcastle. 0191 261 4224.

 

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Press release clap-trap corner
An email has just popped into our inbox stating: “Howard Morgan is arguably the most sought after portrait painter working today.” Here’s one of his “works”. The key word here is “arguably”. We love it and intend to use it with liberal abandon. For instance: I’m arguably going to sleep with double Olympic gold medal swimmer, Rebecca Adlington. Roy Keen is arguably going to appear as Buttons in Sunderland Empire’s panto this year. I’m arguably sitting here typing this wearing nothing but Fern Britton’s kitten-heel slippers and a pair of ear-muffs.

(nb: This is a light-hearted article and just to clarify: Roy Keen is actually appearing as Widow Twanky at the Sunderland Empire. He was Buttons last year.)

 

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Important announcement
It’s bloody freezing isn’t it? (Footnote to important announcement: while searching for a suitably chilly looking pic for this “feature” we discovered a porn site dedicated to people who like to look at images of women (sans clothing) shivering in the snow. The pictures didn’t turn us on, but they did make us feel thankful that we don’t have to skid around ice-fields without our knickers on in order to earn an honest crust. We also wonder what the models will write on any future job application forms under the section: What were your duties in your last job? “Having buckets of cold water chucked over my naked tits for the sexual arousal of others?” Anyway. Here’s a nice pic of a penguin we nabbed from the XXX Dirty Cartoon Penguins website.)

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£12 Xmas Special
12 filled to the brim issues delivered direct to your door for a whole year - BARGAIN!

Subscribe here>

 

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Win Eva Cassidy
Lordy, Eva Cassidy’s posthumous career is lasting longer than a bath full of gobstoppers. Somewhere is the seventh album to be released since she went to that great singer’s snug in the sky and it encompasses her usual kaleidoscope of styles and consummate musicality. It features interpretation of tracks by Dolly Parton, George Gershwin and Don Covay as well as some of her own compositions.

WIN: To be in with a chance of winning one of three copies we have email comps@thecrackmagazine.com and tell us the Radio 2 DJ who first championed her in the UK.

Somewhere by Eva Cassidy is out now on the Blix Street label.

 

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Fancy a new body?
It’s a shame that we can’t booze, drug and fag ourselves into oblivion and then go to Quickfit and trade-in our old body for a new model. We’ve tried. What you can do is get yourself involved in the second series of Make My Body Younger on BBC 3. The show is designed to shock young people into changing their over indulgent lifestyles and the makers are looking for 18-30 year olds who are living life to excess. If you’re burning the candle at both ends (or know someone who is) get in touch with TwoFour (who are putting the show together). Info below.

To find out more or to nominate a friend call 01752 727 488 for a confidential chat or email: makemybodyyounger@twofour.co.uk

 

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Get glassed
In a new, and semi-irregular feature (i.e. we’re doing it just the once) can we proudly present: Christmas Gifts That Are Actually Really Great. Our collective breath has been snatched away by the glasswork of local artist Kathy Geater who – in the guise of her business, Eye-Glass - fashions some of the most gorgeous plates, bowls, tiles (and more) we’ve seen since pussy was a kitten. Each piece is unique and Eye-Glass have a bespoke service meaning you can work with the artist to choose the design and form of your own glass. Smashing stuff.

Seek: http://eye-glass.co.uk

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People We Fancy That Nobody Else Does Cont... Step forward Arsene Wenger, head honcho at Arsenal football club. Blimey!!!!!!

 

 

 

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People Our Readers Fancy That No One Else Does
Following our startling revelation that we fancy Channel 4 newsreader, Katie Razzall, a reader (Gem Andrews, fact fans) has been in touch with a longing for Newsnight nightingale, Kirsty Wark. Here’s a lovely pic of her (nice t-shirt, too). If you’ve got a fancy for someone that no one else does then please drop us a line (info@thecrackmagazine.com ). They don’t have to have anything to do with the news and please, no more John Sargent. Everyone fancies him.

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New series of The Wire to be set in Heaton
Apparently there IS to be another series of the popular US crime drama, but they’re moving it from the mean streets of Baltimore to the meaner streets of Heaton after reading recent press reports on this most rundown area of Newcastle. Closer magazine (it wasn’t ours) had a piece on Cheryl Cole (who was raised in Heaton) and described the area as being ‘bleak’ and ‘riddled with drugs’. And this weekend The Observer (in another article on the Girls Aloud star) opined that Heaton was ‘a place overrun by drugs and crime’. Blimey. We always knew all those organic food shops and vegetarian cafes were a front for something…

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Attention unsigned bands!
Ok. You’re a local band mooching around thinking: ‘Sod this for a game of soldiers. Why don’t we all become quick-fit fitters?’ Well, just stop it. The JD Set Unsigned crew (not crew, but we don’t know what else to call them) are looking for new musical talent. Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whisky is offering one lucky band the chance to record a four track EP and have it cover-mounted on one of the country’s leading music magazines, Artrocker. Christ almighty.

Seek www.thejdset.co.uk/unsigned for all info. Deadline is January 8.

 

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People we fancy that no one else does
In a new and irregular series can we present: People We Fancy That No One Else Does. First up is newsreader and reporter, Katie Razzall. She’s one of those people who we can just tell is really lovely even though we’ve never met her (and we adore her moon face. It’s as if Boticelli had cast his Venus as a Channel 4 business reporter). You’ve heard the expression ‘on the razzle’? Well, this is one Razzall that we wouldn’t mind being on. Sorry.

 

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A very scarry test of your perceptive skills...

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and be amazed be very amazed >

 

 

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Who Needs A Movie?
WE DO!!!!!!!!!! If this little outfits behind it...

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ON TOUR...